In the past few months I’ve grown increasingly weary by a series of unmet hopes and regular-life challenges. I recounted to a friend the technical disruptions that began first with this blog, and then the Peregrine website, being hacked; thousands of dollars being defrauded from two accounts (since reimbursed); email turning annoyingly glitchy and then entirely “dark,” disrupted for days.
I also related the hail storm that caused thousands of dollars of damage to our car, the nine weeks of limitless repair delays, followed by an unbelievable claim against us (which we are contesting) for another $1500 hail damage on the rental car after we returned it. I mentioned a few other issues that felt like unfair piling on and he responded, “Wow, when it rains, it hails.”
We all know that feeling: the periodic seasons in our lives when it seems that everything that could go badly, does. We watch friends’ marriages fall distant until they finally divorce in exhaustion; the shocking physical maladies that follow one after another, seemingly at random; financial losses at the hands of others who have no sense of integrity; the slow, gradual passing away of parents; children who suffer teasing or discrimination through no fault of their own.
When does it end? I have felt the sadness, pain and confusion of friends, and have had very little to offer in terms of advice. I’ve recognized that I’ve felt bewilderment, compassion and even agony at their suffering. I’ve also increasingly recognized that I’ve been angry. At God.
Though it may sound dangerous to admit it, I know God is certainly “big enough” to handle my anger. Many of the most honest authors in Scripture have admitted as much. It has felt in some ways like righteous anger, ironically, to feel this way on behalf of others. Increasingly, though, I’ve needed to admit that I’m angry at God, on my behalf, not just on others’.
The challenges I encounter pale in comparison to those of other friends; and they certainly do in comparison to a man like Job in the Old Testament. But rereading his story is revealing to me some important principles. In the book, The Gospel According to Job, author Mike Mason points out that Job’s first response in trial was to worship God. But he did so honestly. Was he filled with some sort of other-worldly peace and joy in the middle of his suffering? “No, not at all. He was as broken and cast down as a man can be.” (p. 35)
Yet he still chose to worship (Job 1:21a). Mason points out that “real worship has less to do with offering sacrifices than with being a sacrifice ourselves.” (p. 36) I’m reminded, yet again, that this world is so horribly broken that we will regularly encounter the disappointments and tragedies life offers to all.
When you and I feel the weight of the world’s brokenness, when it seems that it is not only raining, it’s hailing, remember that our very lives themselves are an offering to God. “Present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, for this is your spiritual worship.” (Ro. 12:1)
An indication of growing spiritual maturity is the ability to worship in the middle of life’s hailstorms.
My greatest joy in life is my family. I know, that sounds like the comment you’re supposed to make as a man and father. All I can say is I literally shake my head in wonder at the family I have: my wife Beryl; my daughter Barclay and son-in-law Vince, their four daughters, Bella, Brynn, Brooke and Blake; my son Alec, my son Conor and daughter-in-law Bonnie, their daughter Gemma and son Calvin. Every one of them is a genuine gift. Beyond that, I have a calling that I live out through Peregrine Ministries. It is to help men: Understand their identity in Christ, Embrace their role as men, and Live out their God-given calling in life. Bottom line is I’m convinced men matter and I want to help them live life on purpose.
Comments: 10
Thanks Craig, for being transparent and honest about your pain and trials of late. It ministered to me deeply so I thank God for using you. See you at BNO! Charlie
Charlie, I’m so glad these comments helped you. That’s exactly why I share them. Yes, I hope to be at BNO soon.
Dear Friend: I am moved by your vulnerability and openness. You are feeling brokenness due, I think, to the apparent lack of recent success even after all the effort you have put into the ministry. You work and you try hard to produce godly results in men, yet it seems that no one is coming to the party. You have given your adult life to this ministry and now you are beaten down and wondering if God wants you to continue. I will not be like the friends of Job who had all the answers. I will not be like the church and say “Just have faith, brother.” I will simply say that I sense God’s calling on your life and I can tell you that your ministry has had a profound effect on my life. I encourage you to persevere and look to God, not you, for the fruits. Your ministry is His job. You need only to show up for work. Blessings.
Ron,
Your comments bring a smile to my face; you know more details of the story than most. Thank you for not going preachy. I appreciate your friendship and your encouragement and look forward to having you in the weekly Journey again.
Dear Craig,
It seems that we are never relieved of the inherent suffering of life, particularly as we strive to serve the Lord. Unselfish ministries do not always present the satisfactory results that we desire and the Lord seems to bring the problems to help us recognize that we are dependent beings rather than self-sufficient as we imagine ourselves. I have bad news, it doesn’t get any better with age.
As you know, I have known you and your family for many years and your father and I shared some very difficult times as we sought to serve the Lord. He was always a kind and faithful man who sought the best for everyone he contacted. You have all been consciously good to he and your mom as they fought the good fight of old age.
It seems that some days are just presented to us so that we have all we can do just to keep going. The Lord keeps us in those days too. These are the days that people see Him in us as they sympathize with our challenges. Finish strong!
Evan
Evan,
It’s so good to hear from you! I laughed at your “bad news” comment. That’s been one of my observations in life: there was a time when I was younger that I thought as I got older I would understand God and even myself better. Now I know that I am still learning deeper levels of who I am as years go by; and God becomes even more of a sacred mystery. I have such great respect for you and have clear memories of you, Dad and other elders walking through deep water at times. Thanks for your example of perseverance, and for your encouragement.
The road for Men’s Ministry Leaders is truly the road less traveled. I, too, appreciate your openness and transparency. I wanted you to know I’m praying for you…
Hey, Dave, it’s good to hear from you. Thanks for your comment and prayers. I’ve often noticed, and commented to others, that if you pursue ministry with men, genuine life change, you absolutely WILL encounter resistance— resistance from the guy himself, resistance from the enemy, and resistance from ourselves. (There’s a sermon in there somewhere; have at it).
Sometimes we ourselves are simply tapped out and running out of juice. But, man, does it matter! It’s what keeps me going. Thanks for your prayers.
Craig,
Thank you for sharing your life with us and with those whose path may intersect yours through your writing and meeting with us. While like Ron, I will avoid being preachy, I will share the verse that comes to me again and again in trials.
Iron sharpens iron,and one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17 ESV) Having sharpened an axe or lawn mower blade or two and observed blacksmithing, this verse speaks to me about the blood (sometimes), sweat (always), and tears (often) that come when our lives rub (grate?) or pound against the life (hard work) of other men including our sons and brothers in the Lord.
Prayerfully, may God bless you this week in your mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical labors on behalf of men (and their sons).
God spede,
B~
Great words, Brett. Blood, sweat, tears…and rub. Sounds like a good name for a new rock group. Thanks for contributing to the conversation. I hope to see you soon.