I recently returned to the States from 10 days in Africa to read that yet another act of shocking violence had taken place in an American high school. This time a 16-year-old student stabbed 21 fellow students and a security guard with a knife. Thankfully none were killed.
Once again, the American public faced itself in the mirror and had to ask, “What is going on here?!” “How does this keep happening?”
I was then stunned to read a quote related to this story in my local newspaper. One commentator said, “The one common characteristic in all of these cases is they are committed by students on the fringe.”
In my opinion that conclusion was wrong on two accounts:
1. It turns out this student was not on the fringe. He was a good student; he had a handful of friends; he has a stable home life and loving parents. Those who commit these crimes are, indeed, often on the fringe, but not this one.
2. The above conclusion ignores what I believe is an even more prevalent characteristic of these kinds of random attackers and serial killers. They are males. Boys and men. Almost without exception.
In recent years we have agonized over multiple senseless killings in a variety of locations, with multiple weapons, and for a list of grievances. But to me, the common denominator is males who have lost, or never had, an understanding of who they are, why they matter, and what they can contribute, in a positive way, to resolve problems in our society.
I’m reminded once again of the African proverb shared with me by a wise man from Kenya: “The boys in the village must be initiated into manhood, or they will burn down the village, just to feel the heat.”
We don’t know when, where or with what kind of weapon the next awful incident will take place. But there is an almost ironclad guarantee of the one characteristic it will share with most acts of violence like it: it will be committed by a male.
As I’ve written before, when girls “go bad,” they tend to harm themselves (drugs, prostitution, promiscuity, abortion, eating disorders.) When boys go bad, they harm others. They burn down the village.
It’s one of the reasons I believe so strongly in communicating the message to men— young and old— “you matter,” for good or bad, glory or ruin, blessing or destruction.
Men, the world needs you, and the world needs you to bring blessing. Will you?
My greatest joy in life is my family. I know, that sounds like the comment you’re supposed to make as a man and father. All I can say is I literally shake my head in wonder at the family I have: my wife Beryl; my daughter Barclay and son-in-law Vince, their four daughters, Bella, Brynn, Brooke and Blake; my son Alec, my son Conor and daughter-in-law Bonnie, their daughter Gemma and son Calvin. Every one of them is a genuine gift. Beyond that, I have a calling that I live out through Peregrine Ministries. It is to help men: Understand their identity in Christ, Embrace their role as men, and Live out their God-given calling in life. Bottom line is I’m convinced men matter and I want to help them live life on purpose.
Comments: 4
Craig – Great observations on a subject (that I think about every time I turn the nightly news on). I think your insights are right on target, and I commend you for your wise words. You should be on the nightly news; I nominate you.
Two things that fit with your observations: I heard a doctor talking about male brain development. The point made was – while their intelligence may develop at a rapid rate – their judgment and their ability to fully appreciate the consequences of their own behavior lags considerably. The other thing, and it fits with all of this, is that boys (I remember my teenage driving years) seem to have need for power, risk-taking, and to fit in with their friends. Macho driving seemed to help for my group, although it also killed a few people.
Anyway, young males need people like you to show them that they “do matter”, and I suspect it starts with their dad’s being fully on board. Of course the proliferation of lethal weapons does not help. For young men, they can be fun to “play” with. Remember Terry Kath (original guitar player with the band Chicago? Great guy, but he was playing with a gun and impulsively pulled the trigger after pointing it at himself. He proved that you will not continue to “matter”, if you play trial and error with lethal weapons. He felt the heat.
Keep up the good work Craig, as I know you will.
My best,
Chris
Chris, as always, your observations on life are insightful, humorous and to the point. Thanks for contributing to the conversation.
Craig, this message really resonated with me when you spoke at the Leadership Edge meeting this morning and in this post. It what I and many others have been saying for some time: children (especially boys) need to grow up in a home where they learn how to move from childhood to adulthood and it’s celebrated (initiated). These tragic incidents are examples of what happens when the pop culture disciples our kids instead of parents and grandparents. Few ask the questions, “what is a man?” and even less, “How do you become a man?” The African proverb is right, but what do we do about it?
Thanks for shaking the tree. Hopefully a few nuts will fall and crack a few of our heads enough to wake up and take seriously our responsibility as parents and grandparents to disciple the next generations, especially our boys, instead of outsourcing that responsibility.
Thanks for your insightful and amusing contribution, Cavin. I’m so grateful for the work you to do call out and inspire grandparents in the crucial role they have with their children’s children.